I Wanna Be FAT!!

As a recap and conclusion from the last post, we finished football season, we ended up with a big win, Jesse playing a great last game, and winning a leadership award for both on and off the field.  He also was named an Oklahoma All-Star for football, as well as All District.  

Last game! The family is painted up and ready for the game.

Football Banquet

We were thankful for the season, even with it's ups and downs.  We are also excited for him as he enters this next season of life, working for Kanakuk this summer after getting to be a kamper one last year, and then heading off to Sterling College to play football at the next level.

Go Warriors!

As January came around, we knew that we would have to start thinking/praying about the decision to move again.  Honestly, I didn't want to.  Things were cruising along pretty well in my world, and I didn't want to have to think about the decision, let alone the move, to Stillwater.  But, with Ray working out of town, and doing what he does, we needed to see if that would be the best thing long term. We had accomplished the goal of staying here to let Jesse finish his senior year, but now needed to reevaluate the situation.

Funny story in the midst of this, during January, as we were beginning to have conversations about this, Ray got stuck 3 extra nights in Stillwater, that he wasn't on call, because he had seen ladies in the clinic that were in labor, and had to put them in the hospital so they could have their babies.  He couldn't leave them after he did that, so he was stuck down there until the baby came. (That's not the funny part!) 

Anyway, it happened to be one of those really cold weeks we have had up here, 16 degree nights.  After the second night of getting stuck, I decided I would go down and just be with him, even if he just slept, I could just sit beside him and read.  Just didn't want him to have to be alone again.  So, I threw a jacket on, some driving gloves, and headed out.  I didn't pack my heavy stuff (bad idea, you should always travel with your winter gear up here!!) but anyway, just put on my light stuff and headed down.  I called him on the way down to give him the heads up that I was coming to just hang out with him.  He said that was fine, but he was so tired, he just wanted to head back to the trailer and sleep.  I had brought a book, so I told him that would be great, I would just sit by him and read, but he won't have to be alone.  

Well, I met him at the trailer, where he was just returning from filling up the tank with more propane. He said when he had returned to the trailer, that the heat was off.  He thought surely it must have just used up all the propane since the temp was so low.  So, after hooking up the newly filled tank, he proceeded to crank the heat on again......nothing, tried again........nothing, made a few adjustments......nothing.  He then asked me to help look up troubleshooting for the rv's furnace.  We googled it, and tried every suggestion in the troubleshooting portion in the manual.......NOTHING!!

By this time, the temp had dropped to a cool 20 degrees outside the trailer, and inside the trailer it wasn't much better. He was so tired from the night before, and was just wanting to sleep, but here we were, he outside in the sub-freezing temps, and me inside, wrapped in a quilt, trying to look up anything that might help.  I finally just suggested that he go get a hotel room, and get some rest so he could be ready to go in whenever the hospital called for the delivery.  He reminded me that the trailer was not winterized, as he had un-winterized it the night before to take a shower.  That is not a problem IF your heat is working!! But with the heat refusing to come on, he said the pipes would freeze and do major damage, with the forecast being 16 degrees that night.

"Ok, what do we do then", I asked.

"We need to winterize it," says Ray.

"Ok, how?"

"We need to run to Walmart and get some antifreeze."

"I'll go."

"No, If I can't get the heat to come on, and I am going to winterize it anyway, I might as well not leave it here in the camping spot, I might as well just hook it up and take it with me to the hospital parking lot, and just pray the call room is open tonight."

So, at 10 o'clock at night, in 18 degree weather, we are hooking the trailer up, hauling it to Walmart, and then after purchasing the antifreeze, winterizing the trailer in the parking lot.  We were both freezing, but I was especially cold, since I hadn't planned on being outside, and had only grabbed my lighter gear.  

I thought the reason I was going down there was to encourage Ray by just being with him on another unexpected call night, but the real reason God had planted this idea in my head, was for me to be there to help him.  (Winterizing goes twice as fast with 2 people!) He needed his helpmeet.

After this miserable week, we felt God was showing us to put the house on the market and get closer to Ray's work.  The worst part was telling the kids before we put the sign out.  They have done really well here in Ponca, and we hate to move them again.  Their response was a trust in God's plan, even more than mine.  Ruth's comment to us after we told her was, "Mom, why are you sad, it's all good, God's got this!"  What a precious girl! The others, though overall supportive, where a little more concerned.

Well, we have had the house on the market for over a month, and only 3 looks.  Ray has also had several good weeks again, of not getting stuck, except for planned call nights.  So, we question, we waver.  I feel like waves of the sea, being driven and tossed back and forth.  

I feel so anemic in my faith.  I told God the other day, I just can't keep doing this, I can't handle this, back and forth, unsure what His perfect will is, sell or not, move or stay.  What is best for the kids, for Ray, for our family as a whole?  

I am lean in my faith, and I want to be FAT!! Fat in my spiritual walk with Him.  Knowing that if I go through difficult times, my fat will sustain me.  I always have said the way God made my physical body, was one that could have survived a famine, always plenty of reserves, but my spiritual body, my faith, the moment things seem to get a little dry, unsure, unstable, I crumble, I faint, I'm weak.  

Lord, help me feed on the fat of your word.  I need You, need it, more than anything.  Like I tell the kids, the army you feed in your mind is the one that will win.  Lord, help me feed the faith in my heart and mind, by knowing, praising, and worshiping Who You are and knowing/meditating on Your Word.

We still have the sign out in the front yard, and the house showed today, but we are praying God's will.  We are not praying for it to sell, or not to sell.  We are just dumb sheep, we don't know, and since we can't see what the future holds, we are asking God to do His will in our lives, trusting, if the house sells, God is moving us, if it doesn't, then He is keeping us here longer, and He will take care of Ray's commute part.  We need our good Shepherd to lead us where He wants us, either by the "Stillwater" or stay put in Ponca.  I have to trust in His character, He doesn't toy with us, teasing us for fun.  His Word says, "if we acknowledge Him in all our ways, He will direct our paths."  (Prov. 3:6) We are acknowledging Him, seeking Him, taking steps of action we believe He has lead us to do, and now waiting, being still.  In this waiting process, I wanna be FAT.  The last thing I want is Psalm 106:15 "He gave them their request; But sent leanness into their soul." I want His way for us, and fullness of soul.  Full of faith, and trusting that God is already knee deep in His plan for us, working behind the scenes, even now, as I type.  He is trustworthy.  I must trust, and rest. 

No diets here,
JJ