Well, found this post that I forgot to post!!! HaHa!! This was written back in February!
It's been awhile since my last post. Waiting on something funny or exiting to happen in our lives to write about and all the while, life just keeps ticking away. Here we are, half way through February, 2019, and I just have life to share. This year, Ray started off his January by having an old football injury from Baylor repaired. His ankle bone had turned to mush, and he had that cleaned out and replaced with cadaver bone, which will hopefully give him a stronger ankle than he has had for almost 30 years. For several weeks, I was his hands and feet, as he was in alot of pain and unable to do anything. After he recovered at home for the first week, WE returned to work, as he needed help opening, closing doors, carrying things, and just general cheerleading and support for the next week. After 2 weeks, I returned back to my normal job, home maker, and guess what, Josh came down with the FLU!! Glory, another week of being nurse and staying home. I am grateful I was able to be here with my crew, and thankful that my life if full of appointments that can be cancelled without major consequence. I am not complaining, it is just factual that it has been a few weeks of service and nursing. Well, here I am again, with Anna home with the FLU!! I should have just let them all cough down each others throats, like I used to when they were little, and have them sick all at the same time instead of dragging it out!! Anyway, more time at home to think, pray, and just be.
Through this process, I have had some moments where I was really proud of myself. What a servant I am!! Not complaining, joyfully taking care of everyone else's needs, cleaning, laundry, cooking, and all while others, who were healthy, in the household continued with their normal lives. I felt like I deserved some gratitude, which I did receive on and off throughout this last month. But I was really feelin' like I was amazing, and humbly happy to serve. UNTIL.......... there was a few moments that I was treated in less than a kind way by some of these family members that I had been bending over backwards to serve.
Seriously!!! I couldn't believe it!! After all I had done for them, and I get treated like THIS!! Unbelievable!!! After one specific incidence, I went out to the car, only place to be alone in this house, got in and closed the door. I began to cry, and pour my heart out before the Lord, "Lord, I can't believe after all I have done, and how kind and sweet I have been, and how serving I have been, that they would treat me like crap!! How can you let this happen? I don't deserve this!!"
"I DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS!!" I yelled.
I felt the Lord say, "Neither did I. And JJ, I really didn't deserve it, you actually have done some things before that might warrant this, but not me. And is the servant greater than the Master?"
"No Lord, so I must go back in there, take it, and trust that this is taking up my cross, suffering with Christ, and humble myself before You and as unto You, and You will lift me up?"
"Yes, my dear child, trust Me."
I went back in, with a peace that God would reveal to the offenders their offense, and that MY offense was my pride!! I was just as guilty as they were. Shoot!! Just when we think we have it all together.
God did restore, and convict where needed, and apologizes, forgiveness, and reconciliation happened. But this was just the beginning for what God was wanting to show me. I have been studying David in Bible study, and 2 things have really stood out to me recently. One is that David was so humble.
When David finally received the Davidic Covenant from God, and was promised all these wonderful things, kingdom, house, throne, how did he respond? "Who am I, Lord" He was so humble! Now this is the guy that had been anointed 20 years ago to be king. This is the guy that slayed Goliath, this is the guy that they had sung, "Saul killed his thousands, but David killed his 10,000s!!" Everyone knew and loved David in Israel, and yet David was humble!! Who am I?
When I went out to the car and was lamenting to the Lord over my heart ache, hurt, and wounded-ness, I was saying to the Lord, "Do you know who I AM?? NOT, Who am I?! How can You let this happen to ME? I don't deserve this, I am someone special!!" Wow!! My response and prayer to the Lord is so convicting. It is a miracle and by the grace of God that He even does one more good thing in my life from this point on, and I am to be eternally and humbly grateful for His goodness and mercy in my life.
The second thing that stood out to me from David in this specific passage of scripture, was that when David prayed back to the Lord after God had spoken the Davidic Covenant to him, that He prayed the very things God had just promised him right before. He prayed God's promises BACK to Him. Now I KNOW we are to pray God's word back to Him, but I feel like I have been lazy in doing this, and just praying my own pitiful words. I was inspired, convicted, and reminded to pray God's promises daily in my prayer life. Remind Him of what He has said and stand confidently on His word. To do this, I must be IN the word, meditating on it, and knowing it. What a good reminder for me. God is faithful to His promises. God is faithful to me. Always.
JJ
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