I have RUINED my son's life!!

On a lighter note first...... a quick update on the antics of my husband....

We have added a new creature to the Ford Family Farm........

BEES!!! Yes, that is right!

The neatest story of how we got the bees.  We have been going through, well, lets just say a tight time financially, and so adding a new venture to the farm was not in the plan or the budget, any time soon.

But that did not stop my OB/GYN/FARMER husband from dreaming.  We have a reading basket in our bathroom that has favorite magazines in it, and I had noticed that for 2 weeks straight, Ray had left the farming supply magazine opened to the bee keeping supplies page.  Well, I wasn't going to ask him about it at all!!! No way!  I wasn't going to even give him the opportunity to try and convince me that we needed to raise our own bees for honey, or how the kids could have their own honey business, or ANYTHING!!! I knew we didn't have the money, and I wasn't going there!   So I didn't say a word, just left the magazine laying open to collect dust!

Well, you will never believe what the Lord did that next Sunday.....We have a good friend, a gentleman in our church, who also happens to be our dentist.  He is a dear friend, and is really an amazing man who has dabbled in quite a few ventures himself over the years.  Well, he approached me that Sunday, and asked if I thought Ray would be interested in going in together on some bee hives and producing honey!!!
I am not kidding......my mouth dropped open, and I asked who had told him that Ray wanted to do that.  He had no idea what I was talking about!! He said that he had just been thinking about it, and he used to do it many years ago on his own property, but since getting rid of that property years ago, hasn't had a place to put the bees, and was wanting to start up again.  He then went on to tell me that he had all the supplies, so it would be no expense to us, they would put the hives out on our land, and we would share the honey production!!! Truly amazing!! You should have seen the look on Ray's face...he thought surely I had initiated this.

It was such a neat encouragement to Ray, that God does see the desires of our heart, even when we tell no one, and sometimes, not always, but sometimes, He delights in giving them to us, no matter how simple or trivial they may seem.

He loves Ray so much, and gave him his bees, for FREE!!! WOW! What a sweet Heavenly Father we serve!

So, in a few weeks, we will have Ford honey for sale!!! Yeah!! Hoping it will help some of us with these allergies! :)  Come on over for some honey and biscuits!! :)

On another note, not quite so funny, I have ruined my sons life, or at least it feels that way!!

Moms, we carry such a great burden and guilt trip all the time, it is amazing we even survive this parenting thing!

Well, as you know from my last post, all my kids were in school this year.  Jesse, our oldest was at the public high school.  To say it was a challenging year would be accurate.  Yes we survived, and for sure it could have been alot worse, but we had our moments.

We transferred Jesse into the public school system right before school started in the fall.  As we met with the counselors, they informed us that his transcript from 9th grade would not count, because he was not coming from an accredited school.......and even though he made straight A's, he would have to retest end of course testing for ALL his 9th grade classes!!!  The real problem with this was that we were starting all his 10th grade pre-AP courses in a few days, football practice was in full swing, and he didn't have time to test before school started, so..... he was going to have to squeeze these tests in between all his current course work and football.

He was not real happy about this, but trying to be the Godly mom, I encouraged him, that if he had made A's in these classes once, he could pass the final again to obtain the credit he deserved.  I assured him that God must have a reason for him needing to test again, maybe to make sure he really knew his stuff, and hadn't just memorized it for a test!  

Not sure if he really bought my counsel, but he did take it for what it was, and began the long process of studying for these exams, as well as his current classes.  It took him all year, one test at a time, but I am happy to say, he passed and received credit for all his 9th grade course work.  Well, ok, so I didn't ruin him in that way, just a great character builder, right?

Well, another aspect of his year was football.  He came from playing 6-man football last season, where he had received MVP Offensive team.  He came into 11 man this year, trying to learn the game, earn a spot, and really just trying to get the coaches to learn his name!!

I will never forget, it was about 4 weeks into school/football practice, that he came in and said...."Hey mom, one of the coaches hollered, 'FORD!!!!'"  He was so excited they finally new his name! Up until then, they had been calling him "Red" (the hair)

Well, after practicing mornings and evenings for weeks, we got word, that according to UIL rules, he could not suit up for 6 weeks!!! Even though we didn't move, even though we have lived in Cleburne for 10 years, they consider him a transfer student, and UIL, as a protection, blocks players from playing for 6 weeks!!! And with the way the schedule fell, because JV games were on Thursdays, it actually kept him out until the 8th game of the season!!! They wouldn't even let him wear a jersey and stand on the side line with jeans.  He came home and said...."I am lower than the water boy, I sure can't wait until I can get out there and play again, then I can have my identity back!"

Up until that point, I had questioned why the Lord was allowing him to go through this struggle with football, he loves it so much, so why was God withholding something that he enjoyed and was a star at only one year ago?

But now I knew!!!

Oh Jesse, your identity is in Christ, not football.  Football is what you do, and something you enjoy, and God has given you a desire to play, but it is not WHO you are.

We encouraged Jesse to continue to put forth his best effort, even though he may not see one down of playing time this year, but to do it as unto the Lord, and even if no one else noticed, God would!

He got to play in the last 3 games of the season, and he lead the team in tackles the second game he played in, and the last game, the coaches made him captain!! That was surely a little balm to the soul for him.

Well, would you believe, at the end of the season, they had a football banquet, (which we were not there!!! Another fine moment in my parenting!!  Jesse had said earlier in the month that he didn't really want to go, and didn't want us to spend money to take the whole family) Anyway,  Jesse came in the day of the banquet, and had changed his mind and wanted to go with some of the guys, at least just to enjoy a free dinner and have fun.  It was too late for us to get tickets, but I told him it would be fine for him to go, he just had to wear his suit, so out he comes with a nice black suit, and a RED skin tight under armour type shirt on.  He thought he looked cool, and I actually thought to myself, "I won't pick a battle with this, just let the kid go.  Who cares, he will be sitting in the back, no one will really see him anyway, and we wouldn't be there to be embarrased, so whatever!!" 

Anyway, at the banquet each year, they give away lots of awards, but they give away 4 special All Team awards for both JV and Varsity combined.  Well, of all things, can you believe, Jesse won the MVP for scout team defense!!! This was a huge award, of all the JV guys, and his picture was even in the paper for ALL our town to see, red skin tight shirt and all!!!  But how neat to see God reward Jesse for his faithfulness to give it his best, knowing he couldn't get in the game, or even stand on the sideline! Ok, so not totally ruined, God worked through that too.

Well, as we approached the end of the year, I am feeling like we have made it!!! Jesse has completed all the extra end of year testing from the 9th grade classes, he survived football and track, and we are on the home stretch, baby!!! Finals, and we are outta here, at least for a few months!!

Jesse had kept his grades up all year, and was pretty pumped about being exempt from 2 finals!! He cleared it with his teachers, and then brought home the paper for me to OK.  I looked at the paper, saw his grades, saw the teachers signatures, that they had given their approval for his exemptions from their final tests, then gave it back to him with a thumbs up.  I really didn't think much about it, until the first day of finals start at the high school, and Jesse calls me in a panic!!!  He said I hadn't signed the paper, and therefore they were going to make him take the 2 finals he was exempt from!!! He had no review sheets, he had been studying for all his other finals, but hadn't even given these a thought!!!

Of course I hopped in my car, and went straight to the VP's office, where I was sure they would show us grace, being our first year in the public high school, and never having to even think about a signature for exemption!!! Oh no, they wouldn't budge!!! I was dying....... I launched into my "I'm not trying to rescue my son from every mistake, I have let him fail, and struggle this year" speech, but to no avail!!!

So, Jesse had to take the 2 extra finals, the hardest, pre AP Chemistry, the very next day, with only a few hours that evening to review the information.  Needless to say, he didn't score very well on that test, and it dropped his grade.  All year he had kept them up, and now, because of one lousy signature, which I missed, as well as Jesse not catching it, he has a change in his GPA!!!!

I nearly had a panic attack that night, as I allowed my mind to go down the road of how this would effect his ability to get into college, his scholarship eligability, and ulitmately his ability to get a job, provide for his family, and be successful in life!  In one fatal mistake of not signing a paper, I single handedly ruined his life!!!

Oh the guilt we so unduly carry!!! But yet, I continue to wrestle with it.  Oh, if I had just signed that dang paper!!!  The fate of my sons life, rested in my hands, and I blew it!!

But the truth is, I am not ultimately responsible for who or what Jesse becomes and does in his life, God is, as He works in and through my son.  How arrogant of me to think that I have that kind of power and control.  God also promises to "use all things together for good" in Jesse's life, as well as my own.  Hallelujah!! So He will use the "missed signature" for good in our lives!  Thank goodness God never misses a signature, He never misses anything! 

Well, after hearing me lament about it over and over, one of my kids reminded me about our neighbor, the one they call the "rich neighbor", that he hadn't gone to college, he just started a lawn mowing business in high school, and now, he owns the largest landscape mowing business in town.  So who cares about college, right?

So guess what Jesse is doing this summer..........Mowing lawns!! :) Maybe I didn't ruin his life after all.

JJ

Totally Different Year, Change is good.

Well, after homeschooling my 5 children for 11 years, the Ford family has done something radical!! All 5 children were out of the home, and in school somewhere!!

It was a huge change, and honestly.......some parts of it were AWESOME!!

Except for a few rare occasions over the past 11 years, I have not been at home by myself, without someone there with me. I can honestly say, being at home in peace and quiet, was amazing!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, they are the best, and I really don't know how or why the Lord chose to give them to me...... but being in MY house, in QUIET was a true gift this year.

So many asked, "Well, what are you going to do with ALL that time?" I wanted to scream, "NOTHING!!" 

But, actually, God already had it planned out what I was going to do, I just didn't know yet.  I started the school year off, only having to leave the house on

Mondays, for grocery shopping, 

Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I taught Art at the school, where the 4 younger kids were attending, to help pay for tuition, and 

Fridays, where I worked at Ray's office.
  
So actually, I didn't have a huge amount of free time, but still, mostly Mondays and all day Wednesdays were great!  

Those were MY days!!

My favorite day was Wednesday.  That was laundry day, and since the kids were all out of the house most of the week, I took back over the laundry, (when they were home schooled, of course they did their own.)  So, I started out Wednesday morning washing loads, and after getting the kids dropped off, I would return home to 14 loads of laundry.  I would sneak and plug the rabbit ears into the TV, and enjoy a few hours of "Good Morning America" and Kathie Lee!! (you see, we haven't had TV in about 7 years, so to plug in rabbit ears and watch a TV show was a little pleasure I thought I DESERVED)

Well, I tried this for a few weeks, and boy, did the Lord show me pretty quickly what a waste of time that was!!! Not that watching TV is awful (we rent plenty of movies and watch as a family all the time), but as far as why God had given me this time, this year.......that was not why he gave it to me, to re-a-quaint myself with Kathie Lee Gifford!! He had more serious work for me to do.

So...... I put up the rabbit ears, and poured myself into praying for those little feet that wore the socks I was folding, or for the patients that Ray would be taking care of when he wore the scrubs I had just placed so carefully in his closet. The Lord had given me this time, not to indulge in my own selfish desires, but to pour so much more into Him, into my family, and my husband.  I started burning up the downloads of sermons from Tommy Nelson and Mark Driscoll. I truly felt now, more than ever, that this time was a huge gift from the Lord, and for the first time in my life, I actually LOVED doing the laundry. :) Now that is a miracle...it used to be the bain of my existence!!

As the year progressed, I got very comfortable and selfish with this time, so again, since sin crept back into it, the Lord had to strip me, and work on that selfishness!!! Due to some changes in our office, Ray's back surgery, the ever looming "Obama Care", and being in a small community, we had to let one of our main employees go.  Ray very matter-of-factly told me that I was the fill in..... and on WEDNESDAY mornings!! 
NOOOOOOO! 
I didn't want to give up that time, but was reminded by the Lord, that that time was a gift from HIM anyway, and that the Lord was once again changing my mission field. My husband needed me in a tangible way, and I was the perfect person to fill the gap, I was FREE labor, so that made it even better.  And as one older lady in my church pointed out, and it hadn't even occurred to me, that I could fill that office with prayer while I worked.  So when I am sitting at that front desk, not answering a phone, or checking a patient out, I pray. (Not out loud, of course!!)

So, for the second half of the school year, I was juggling, but still praying, still listening to sermons, filling my mind with things that count, constantly, any time I found myself not talking to someone else, I was in a constant conversation with the Lord, realizing I could keep that new found urgency up in prayer for my family, just not all in one long, nice, quiet, stretched out moment!

And boy, did our family go through some stuff this year, that demanded attention in prayer. That would have totally stressed me out, had I not been filling my mind with Him!  All the kids out facing new challenges in public and private school!! Ray with his back surgery and the changes in his practice, me with, well hormones and just life working outside the home again after 16 years of staying home. God had a plan, and it was partly to stir up in me an urgency to cover, and I mean cover, my family in this battle we fight every day. But praise God, the battle is the Lord's and we do not war against flesh and blood.

Well, all I can say is Praise God we made it to the end of the school year, and we survived!! The kids are HOME, so good to have them back. They have taken over the laundry again, and that is nice.  I am still up at the office 2 days a week, but no more Art for the summer, so we are getting a break from the crazy schedule.  I am having to sneak back to the bedroom or car now to find a little peace and quiet, but continue in that constant conversation of prayer, as I must.  Sometimes I am distracted by my own selfish desires and pity parties, and fall flat on my face.  But God is so faithful even when I am not, and He woos me back to Himself.
So, for someone who doesn't like change, I thank God for the change this year.  He had different plans, and I am thankful He gave them to me, they were a gift.
JJ